Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
