burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
