I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
