my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
