But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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