Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
