4 words: hood of his car
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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