your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
