WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
