wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
