I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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