Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
