Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
