somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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