Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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