while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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