I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
