I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
