I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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