she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
