found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
