never play flip cup with pint glasses
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
