SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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