Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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