Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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