Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
