My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize