I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
