Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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