Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
