I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize