his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
