You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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