he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
