so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
