That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
