How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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