This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
