She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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