He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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