im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
