You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
