How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
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