After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Buhtt sex?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
