I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
nut hugger
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
