And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
