I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize