my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
