I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
