i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize