I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
