I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
