Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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