i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize