I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
