My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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