I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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