my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
