can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
