I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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