if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
