So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize