My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize