Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
