The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
