if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
