I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
