He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize