We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
