u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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