And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
