Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
