when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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