broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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