the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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