So drunk its hurt
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
