i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize