im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
