Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
