Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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