I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
