Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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