It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
