I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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