sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
