Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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