I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
