Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We talked him into tasing himself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
FUCK WHALES
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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