went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
