saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
