Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
