John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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