somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
