I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
