I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
