note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
