Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize