OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
