He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i out mim tonsoeep
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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