Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
