Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I enjoy the company of your penis
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
