I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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