My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
