In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
