He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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