you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
someone owes me an orgasm
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize