Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
