maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When are your genitals available?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
