we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize